Yes, suddenly something happened last night.
Yes, that handsome bioengin senior wished a b*tch happy bday. (oh...so sad)
Haha. and so suddenly this bad feeling filled me a little and simulated the brain cells of mine.
This person, ok, so you meant the handsome young man who was sucking a ugly gal's arm (not gf, btw) openy in the sch bookstore?
Your're talking about him, right? Yaks.....
So these people have walked passes my life and only 2 stayed for awhile when all the others just walk past.
I had one question, that is, why is it that I just could not stop finding somebody to like, which is a game that I hate so much and always wanted to change since year one =)
And so, I think the time just has come, last night, I feel a little bit (ok, no, Quite) uncomfortable, you know it's kind like how-I-wished-that-was-me kind of bullshit, to that woman who had, in fact, bullied me 2 years ago, because she felt that I am a potential enemy for the bOSS she likes.
Then somehow it leads to the question below.
Why? Then I asked myself? Why am I always accessing myself by comparing with others?
First of all, each one of us doesnt exit for the reason that because others exist. Why should we judge ourselves by seeing others, like I am ugly because I am uglier than her or he is a better person then I am not beause he's more popular than me?
Or even categorise everyone with a system like the traditional Indian Class, so that she's the Miss Popular so that she's at the top whereas I am at the heiracy level lower than her? And someone who's uglier will be below me?
We exist is because we are "we".
We are good and WE ARE GOOD!
She's beautiful but I am too! Why the comparing? Why the Levels that we form ourselves and then we should then feel less confident than her or feel less happier than her? Why?
We dont exist beause we compare.
Secondly, even we do access by comparing, why do we always access based on WRONG Criterias?
Is Beauty the criteria? The Grade the criteria?
Why is it that when we are lowering our self-esteems because of these criteria, we always and seem like forever, forgetting that so she is beautiful, is she thinking as deeply as you? Embracing the world problems and caring about charity? Does she understand fashion as much as you and know what's the appropriate dress code to the school but not wearing transparent mini-skirt to attract guys attention?
So she's intelligent that she has A+ grads, so why she bullied you? I will never have such mean heart to do such thing.
So do they go to the expedition in the museum, go to the musical?
I am also nice to people and a lot of people like me too! And does anyone of them do Read? They dont even read!
So the conclusion is,
well, I am not lousier than her or him or them!
After all these accessments, and the Right Criteria, I AM IN FACT BETTER! Far Better!!!
So I finally found the reason why I always looked down on myself and accidently also found the reason why I was always looking for a guy to like are all because:
I was not confident in myself that I always looked up to these beautiful people to treat them like Idols.
I like them, I like their looks, I looked up to these people who so-called caterised at the top of the heriachy system BY ME.
In fact, I am not lower than them. We are at the same level and in fact, they are not even comparable to me at times!
After seeing through and understand all thses, I realise I have all the reasons to Love Myself and to Feel Good about myself.
I am Good.
I'm glad that I am good and now I finally found the solution to the problem.
(I wont have written this article if I have not passed the test this morning.)
I am done and now going to be a hardworking gal than ever!
(That's where true happiess lies, finally I realise :))